Santa's Resume

Nicholas S. Clause

AKA:  Santa, Mr. Claus, Old St. Nick, the man in the red suit

SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS


Inspirational leader with skills in business administration, nonprofit governance, eleven resource management, and global enterprise. Innovator in retail marketing, child development evaluation, and covert tactical operations. Capable of supervising complex systems and motivating teams with or without antlers. Impeccable track record for meeting deadlines. Willing to work holidays.


Core Competencies

  • Chimney Scaling
  • Commercial Flight
  • Belly Jiggling 
  • Product Distribution
  • 3-Dimensional Design
  • Magic
  • Supersonic Motion
  • Electronic Engineering
  • Red Velvet Fashion
  • Reindeer Training
  • Competitive Eating
  • PERL Programming


Professional Experience

Clause Industries, Inc. 5/1965 – Present

CEO

Accelerated production to meet demands on seven continents

Orchestrated collective bargaining agreement with Board of Elves Chairman that retained backbreaking profit margins while improving elf rights

Developed double – checking naughty – nice data analysis system 

Flew a sleigh to 2 billion houses in a 24 – hour race against the sun


Kris Kringle Enterprises, LLC 12/1872 – 1964 

Senior VP Engineering and Distribution

Monetized charitable gift delivery to produce multi – trillion – dollar annual revenue

Genetically engineered troupe of menial clones with advanced dexterity, diminutive statures, and high tolerance for cold temperatures

Coined the term “Elves”

Developed reverse magnetic flight system to reduce flying reindeer strain by 50%

Passed title IX reindeer game legislation


Self – Employed New York, NY 7/1870 – 11/1872

Sin-terklass Procurement

Managed seasonal escort service

Circumvented global mythical being and folklore legend trespassing ban with creative business model 

Established trade mark HO, HO, HO catchphrase 

Additional details available upon request

Yuletide Craftsmen Essex, England 12/364 – 7/1870 

Father Christmas

Designed toys for underprivileged children

Established mass production system

Patented fireproof clothing

Learned magic and the art of the ninja


St. Nicholas Institute of Benevolence, Lycia 2/325 – 12/346

Bishop of Myra

Launched gift – giving program

Established sainthood

Revitalized economy of Lycia (modern – day Turkey)

Delivered presents without elementary – aged children questioning my existence

References

Easter Bunny – 555 – 000 – 000, 314 Cadbury Way, Hidden Egg, NJ, 03415

Hanukkah Harry – 888 – CRA – ZNTS, 8 Lovitz Lane, Hollywood, CA, 91601

Cher – You know I can’t just give out Cher’s info.  Call me, and I’ll arrange a conference call on a secure line